Idolized Beauty
Seeing hummingbirds fly,
Watching the gazelle jump,
In awe of the mighty oak,
There is beauty in everything.
The birds cutting the skies.
The insects crawling on leaves.
It's a sight to behold.
So why can't I see that for me?
In front of the mirror,
Let the dissection begin.
Comparing bodies to mine,
Reminiscing on yesterday's looks.
When my body was closer to standard,
But not quite magazine-ready.
When I liked myself,
Or as much as I could.
Even how I looked a few years ago,
I envy her.
She is prettier then I am,
Thinner and stronger then I.
I'm told to love myself as is,
But how can I?
I don’t like what I see, I hate it.
How am I to love myself?
If I love myself,
Then I should put myself first.
If I love myself,
Then I should want what’s best for me.
If I love myself,
Then I should give myself grace.
Everywhere I look,
Online and physical photos,
I know I’m not that beautiful.
The ones that look great in anything,
Make life look effortless.
I feel like I’m missing something.
Missing how they do what they do.
Look and feel confident, gorgeous.
While I’m here, feeling like a blob.
The quick diet schemes,
The carrot of surgery,
Easy ways to look like them,
The ones on my screen.
I know what to do,
To feel better about myself.
But it’s all for not,
Any effort is not enough.
Even little steps,
Feel like a trek.
How am I to love myself,
When all I see is a hag,
Only senses of beauty,
That never stays long.
I try to feel better,
I do try.
The effort feels minuscule.
The temptation of jealousy,
Its pull is overwhelming.
The first steps are hard,
Why does it have to be so difficult?
But nothing in life is truly easy.
Anything that matters is difficult.
Maybe the effort is worthwhile.
If I could keep myself accountable,
If I keep putting in the work,
I could look like those behind the screen.
Maybe not a carbon copy,
But heighten the beauty I have,
The beauty nature bestowed upon me.
